love in many different ways...

After being exposed to how God is working outside of NJ, working with the kids in CR, and seeing the video clip of the GCC-Korea mission team, I don't know why but my heart goes out to them. I want to be there to give the kids the love they lack growing up; I know there's a void in their hearts and Jesus is the only One who can fill that void, that emptiness--He's the only One who can give them the prefect love that they never experience before. But I feel like I have so much love to give them, and I want to be there for them physically. Lord, I will go to wherever You send me--whether overseas or here in the states, Lord, please send me.

"But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either. Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back. Treat others the same way you want them to treat you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men." - Luke 6:27-45

I came across this passage the other day and these couple of verses spoke really loud to me. When I searched my heart, I realized that it's so hard for me to obey this command. There are certain people I have a hard time loving, especially those that I used to serve with at Camden church. There are still a lot of bitterness, resentment, and hurt within me. I know there is a lot of healing that need to be done. How can I say I have so much love to give to the hurt, hunger, or poor, yet I can't seem to love those I serve along side with? That's when I realized how much of a sinner I am. Why is it so hard for me to love them? I feel like maybe I haven't truly understood the extent of Christ's love for me that's why I can't seem to love them. Whatever the case is, it needs to stop!!! I can't continue to be like this, I can't continue to keep on hurting Jesus. Lord, I'm so broken right now. I don't know why I can't love those that persecuted me. I can't seem to forgive them. Lord, I don't want to be a slave to this feeling any longer. I want to be liberated from this bitterness, hurt, that I have against those people. From this day forward, I want to renounce it over to You and ask You to heal me. Lord, please give me Your heart so I can love and forgive those people.

Speaking of love and forgiveness, I need to forgive Trung. I thought he's out of my life for good--out of sight out of mind kinda deal. Recently, Kayla told me Trung approached her at the VAC retreat and asked about me. He looked upset; he told her that he wants to call me up one of these days to clear any misunderstanding between us; he wants closure. When she told me that, I was thinking why bother with it. If he wanted closure, he should have called 6 months ago...why now? It doesn't make any sense. All my girlfriends suggested I shouldn't even bother meeting up with him. I think I'm going to take their advice...it doesn't do me any good if I meet up with him. All I know is after being exposed to many guys that are driven to live their life for God and are so passionate about their faith, I don't want to go back to just settle for any guy now especially those claimed to be a Christian yet don't bear any fruit. Reflecting back, God had been merciful; I couldn't get over the breakup without Him helping me. I'm so thankful that He sent people in my life like Mrs. Mary, Sarah and Peter to counsel me, and Ngan, Mimi, and Aram to comfort me...I'm so blessed to have so many people in my life who care so much for me. if it wasn't for these 6, I wouldn't be able to recover from the breakup so soon. Thinking about it, the breakup was so painful, but I'm glad I got to experience it though. Now, I know what I need and want in a future husband. My list of characteristics/qualities I look for in a husband is getting longer and longer. I have to trust God that when the time is right, He will bring my future husband to me. as of right now, singleness is not bad at all..i actually enjoy it. But somehow lately I've been thinking a lot about this one particular person. I've admired him for 1 year now. So many people said how passionate he is about God. Recently, I had a chance to witness it. I'm so drawn to him. His love, his passion for Christ is so evident in his life; I cannot deny that he's a man of God. My feeling for him has gradually deepened. I'm not so sure if this feeling is just admiration or me actually liking him. I can't really tell, but my prayer is if it's not from God, I don't want it. Lord, if JC is someone who you want me to be with, I pray that You put me in his heart so he can start praying for this relationship. But Lord, if you have someone else in mind for me, I pray that you take away this feeling/emotion I have for him. Lord, I ask you to take over this area of my life. I want You to have full control over my love life. I trust that You have someone in mind for me and please help me wait on Your time.

Lately, God has been teaching me "love". Love those who love me, love those who persecute me, love those who hurt me, love the ones who never been exposed to love, love between a man and a woman. Wow! I did ask Him to teach me how to love..it's amazing how He answers my prayer and i actually have record of it...He even reveals all the area that I need to work on. I love it!!!

my God is rich in His promises...

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well." - Matthew 6:33

This verse hit me hard especially after my mission trip. I was in distress about my job situation prior going to CR, but God reminded me to just be faithful and just keep my eyes on Him. While I was away, Temple University emailed me and asked for some references for the job position that I applied for. Yesterday a lady from there called and asked if I could come in for an interview. She was curious of why I didn't email her back sooner, and she thought I wasn't interested in the position. I got a chance to tell her that I was away on a mission trip -- it was a good way for her to get to know me. I was just blown away when God gently reminded me of this verse. Oh how I praise my Lord, so faithful in His promises!

I really miss CR--the missionaries, interns, staff, and the kids. They are so faithful in serving God and His Kingdom and their hunger for Christ put me to shame. I was fortunate to see how God is moving in other part of the world. O my God is Omnipresent --working everywhere in every way!!! Although I miss CR, but I'm glad to be back in the states--back at GCC. I realize how I missed the people, the worship, the community here in CH. I'm very encouraged by the love I have here -- the sisters and brothers --keeping me in check with postmissions. I pray that God will continue to blow on the fire that He started in my heart. I want to keep on burning for Jesus. Lord, I want to burn for YOU, I want to keep on burning for YOU!!!!

My sister and I got to spend some time with Kayla and Lindsey, two of the girls, from Camden church. Kayla decided to just whip out her guitar and lead us into worship. It's amazing how we can worship God anywhere --every place we go. I still can't comprehend on how my God works, although I'm tone deaf and I don't really appreciate music, but God uses praise songs to really speak to me.
"I'll bring You more than a song for a song in itself is not what You have required You search much deeper within through the ways things appear You're looking into my heart. I'm coming back to the heart of worship, and it's all about You, all about You-Jesus. I'm sorry Lord, for the things I've made it..when it's all about You, all about You" --it's funny how I was humming this song throughout my time in CR. I feel like at times, I tend to think that it's all about me...me..me...but it's actually NOT...it's all about YOU -Jesus. Lord, my prayer is to be more more more more of You and less less less of me.

So much laugher and love whenever the four of us get together. When we went to Chick-fil-A for some cheesecake --I didn't notice it before, but for the first time, I heard Christian music over the intercom. I thought it was really cool. Just because of that...Chick-fil-A is my favorite fast food joint now. When we were just chilling there, an elderly woman came over. She was looking at us the whole time; I thought maybe I was being loud or that she was interested in my cheesecake. She came over and told us that she has a grandson (he's Korean --I think he's adopted because she's is American...i might be wrong, who knows), whom she would like to introduce to one of us. She wants her grandson to date Asian women...I thought that was really cute. She took out his baby pictures and showed us. I found out that he's a Christian, he's around 27ish (right up my alley..ahha), and he works as an IT..i think. I jokingly told her that I was interested...so she asked me for my email and name and such...I gave her my name and facebook information and told her that Brent (that's his name) could find me on FB...desperate much? I don't think so...I think it's cute how she was trying to hook her grandson up with some random Asian girl she just met at Chick-fil-A. For me it was a way to just start a conversation with people...it doesn't have to be sharing the Four Spiritual Laws of being a Christian to them, but just being there and show them that I do care of what they have to say is good enough. I think building relationships is a great way to share the Gospel with someone. Although I might not see her again and that her grandson will probably never befriends me on fb, but I feel that God creates every opportunity for me. I actually learned it from Pastor Jason. I was amazed by how he can just talk to people about God so freely on our way to CR. He shared with me that all he's doing is just trying to build relationship and just loving the people then eventually he'll get an opportunity to share his faith to them. Speaking of P.Jason...I was just blown away by his conversation with Dave Lee on the plane ride to Philly from CR. I'm just so amazed by how passionate these two brothers are in Christ. I'm so drawn to them...their conversation was so genuine, so passionate, so driven...I just love it. I think that was one of the highlights of the trip. One of my prayer requests to God is for Him to raise up strong male Christian leaders leading the church, leading the household...for awhile I was so discouraged because I didn't see any strong male leaders, but in God...I have hope. From this mission trip, God revealed to me that there are strong Christian leaders at GCC, serving and loving Him passionately. It was so amazing that I get to witness that!

Praise the Lord, for He is so good!!!!

why blog?

i don't even know why i'm blogging. i hate writing. i guess this would be a best way to keep myself in check. i'm such a forgetful person..maybe by jotting down my thoughts i can evaluate myself over the years to see if i'm growing or not.

got back from costa rica missions trip with gcc two days ago. glad that i went...God revealed Himself to me during my time in CR. i realized that i don't have enough love...i claim to love God..but i don't even know how to love His people. to love is not an action rather it's a person. Jesus is love. if i cannot love the one i see how then can i claim to love the One i cannot see.

O Lord!
how much i need YOU...i need YOU to show me how to love...i need YOU to teach me how to love...i want to be able to love because YOU are love, Lord.